"In fact, he used Disney technology to make this film." (Macbeth)
"It make murder a new kind of sex deed."
"She's all dimples, tears and teeth, isn't she?"
"I don't know. I profoundly don't know."
-in response to "how long should our papers be?"
"Then we have Mr. Porcupine..."
"Although I don't know why they're wearing Mongolian hats and the Statue of Liberty."
"Which is different from the kind of sex we know. Or, at least, the kind of sex I know- I don't know about Sarah Lawrence sex."
"She's enjoying something oral."
"Now, I'm not just being a dirty old man english teacher here. Although there's a long tradition of this."
"So it looks like the Islamic moon! Hahahahahah! Jerks."
"Zygote love- you want sperm meeting egg."
"What do Christians do? Confess!"
"Clash of zygotes"
"She should be doing some really good conference work."
-on Jane Austen's Emma
"He's speaking in American actor's Shakespearian english. Poor guy."
"And the camera's going to say, LOVE YOU!"
"And we also see a great black reverse erection."
"It's a crotch-centered costume."
"The weddings and the bare feet and the humiliation. And then after you're dead, the fucking baboons! So let us say, the stakes of this play are rather higher?"
"...At her pretty fucking sister's wedding."
"If you make a pun about a penis and a prophet, you're doing pretty good."
"Universal desire- smack the bitch down."
"Whores are funny."
"I'm not suggesting you try this- this is not an assignment."
-on having sex against a wall in an alley. He seems to be repeating himself
"He's a lumberjack."
"And he's more than ok."
"There's no hymen in the world that can resist him."
"Are you referring to the group grope that's happening on the lawn?"
"Cute but dopey! Can we talk about cute but dopey?"
"The female cardinal says WHAT? You're BLUE! Beast!"
"He enters from the left side of the stage- therefore, he is evil."
-on Keanu Reeves
"Love gives you a crane shot."
"I don't think it's humanly possible to have that much fun."
"'As sure as I live, I am a maid.' Well, thank god no one else got up there!"